When I Look Inside Myself, I Find it’s Me and No-One Else


No music playing, trying to let the music in me come out. No comfortable, stable place to be – only a choice of spaces either being taken apart, or yet to be. Roughing it, roughing it out, designing a new life, a new me. The old never quite totally gone. Grief never fully fades – and sometimes love, even in its fullest power, can’t always bridge distance. Still, life lived finally in the light, right from the start, no shadows – that’s joy like nothing else. Been a long long time, my friend, since that’s how I rock n rolled.

Now, I need to let it shine out of me, to have learned, to have changed. Locking in a closed space only leads to ill, let it out, let it spill. Must remain engaged. There’s a whole world, and to be whole I have to let it in. Breathe with it, balance and flow, know.




Go …

Running from the dealer


WordPress ate my homework. I’ll pretend it was a better, wittier, and above all, *longer* post than it was, but it’s gone. Local Draft, published… turned up blank.

What can I say? Life’s been busy, life’s been amazingly, fantastically, ridiculously good. I’ve got so much to do that I’m dizzy with it – except at work, which continues to merely require my physical presence. I have no idea why I agreed to work a month beyond my notice. Oh well. 17 work days left on my sentence.

Now, if I can just get rid of most of my crap, move the rest to Berlin, and settle my finances so I don’t need to think about them for a year … I can just get on with it. Study German, do music, sniff out tech stuff, but mostly just enjoy being in the city I love. Being in love. And that not being *right* and not any sort of problem. :-)

I might just have got the hang of being happy…

Slight Return


Weißensee life… In my Lotto-win-fantasies, I’d buy this building and do it up. In reality, it’s a project too far, even just the project management of that scale of construction job is probably beyond me.

I managed a bit of home cooking, a bit of exercise, a bit of admiring my future bath.

Then back to (slightly sinister-looking) work, fryups, firework leftovers, band, and painting in the UK. But first I had to get there…  4am train journeys are always better with company (We Are Not Cute!). Better yet to know I’ll be back in Berlin soon …


Pot to piss in


Progress! Bathroom walled in, cistern cabinet built – all ready for waterproofing, tiling and connecting the toilet/bath/sink.

Well done to Kevin, who battled with the Berlin Plague to get this done for me. He and his family came down with it – happily my usual immunity to all such things did its job. I get colds/flu only when seriously unhappy/stressed… and I couldn’t be further from that right now.

Life is great.


2015 – we will rock it!


Teletubby Suicide – a sad end for a faded star. Lost on the tracks. They were dismantling Xmas on Alexanderplatz, maybe that was the trigger…

I’ve got so behind, that there is no hope of catching up, so have a few festive snaps and I’ll see you in February…


Weißensee Park.


The Three Musketeers do Karaoke


Buckets of herring, entire section of Wurst, brunch…


2015 – we will rock it!  \m/

Enough chicken dinners for The Hound


So, Xmas day itself, I spent partly in Weißensee, on my own, having a very traditional Kirsty-Xmas eating crazy (but not traditionally festive) food, and reading. Perfect! Later, I decamped out to Reinickendorf where there was both very good company and delicious food… Xmas dinner Mark 2 was chicken with all the trimmings and a very traditional enormous heap of leftovers. Thank you Nicole. Buuuuurp!

Boxing Day found me out deep in the ‘burbs, and in over my head with a houseful of (only some of) Jean’s large family, trying to speak German. I tried hard, smiled a lot, ate everything put in front of me (many homemade biscuits, Stollen, endless coffee, another Xmas dinner – though a couple of others were on tortillas and salsa) and generally just sat feeling happy.

The family at one point had favoured really old fashioned names – I was particularly tickled to find one was Uncle Gotthard. Not a bad band, Gotthard… I did have one moment of odd musical glory. Someone’s phone made the std Facebook message beep, and, pretty much entirely without thinking, I reached out to the piano behind me and plonked a key somewhere up there … exactly the right one! Zum Glück,  I said,  but I’m not sure I was believed. In honesty, I’d have bet on me getting it within 2-3 either side, due to pitch-finding practice at the CVI, (about the limit of my piano skills! ) and the pitch tracker I used to use for singing practice displaying the note you sing on a piano keyboard – but not exactly.

Later, as we walked the dogs, it snowed…  and kept going. :-)

Heiligenabend (or, Xmas Dinner: Round 1)


Xmas eve feast at Arcanoa, with Sarah. This is a really cool bar with a cozy medieval banqueting hall upstairs. I was invited to join in the festivities, and though I didn’t try the Glühwein (I give in, I can’t spell the bloody word…), I merrily tucked into everything else on offer. First of course, I had to get dressed up – which involved borrowing some of Sarah’s gear. She thought the blouse suited me so well that I should keep it! So very kind, and I will.

So, meat, veggies, Rosenkohl (the very logical German word for Brussel Sprouts – Kohl is ‘cabbage’) 2 kinds of doughballs (dumplings for you heathen English), Rotkohl. gravy …. and chocolate pudding. I even managed to follow some of the conversation, including a couple of the long, well-performed jokes. I’m quite familiar with this sort of bunch, and with epic feasting from my days doing Viking/Saxon re-enactment with the Dark Ages Society. My speciality at public shows was genuine Viking Sleeping – always drew a big crowd wanting to know if I was real… People Are Strange…

A conversation about childhood led to an impromptu performance by me of “thank you for the music” by Abba – which was a bit differnt to the full-on rock that people are used to hearing from me! I wasn’t a dancer before I could walk (I was a climber), but I very probably sang before I could talk – and my nephew seems to be taking the same path :-).

There was bagpipe music going on downstairs, but I stuck with conversation, and didn’t make it a late one, wending my way home to Weißensee before midnight, ready to sleep – to and wake to Xmas in Berlin. The very best present imaginable.