More than a few… but we can none of us do it any way other than our way, surely?
Hmm, anyway, I started a song yesterday, so here comes the early morning listenback – dammit, what does it remind me of? A half-assed, half recalled, heard-once-through-a-closed-door-down the-hallway incompetent version of ‘Comfortably Numb’. Maybe. Maybe crossed with Johnny Cash’s version of ‘Hurt’. Or perhaps that’s gifting it more than it deserves. Maybe if I change the bass line, add the vocals it might become something. In any case – Needs Lots More Work. Oh well, I gives me something to do am Wochenende. I quite like how it goes when it hits the ‘crunchy bit’ ™, I am pleased that I can get *a* sound of sorts and a decentish recording out of the setup, that I do appear to have my own guitar style … and I am fucking delighted that I have actually done a proper act of musical creation – for only the 2nd time in over 6 months. Here’s hoping this is the start of another productive period.
I manage to make my interview, but it goes just how expect. Nice chat, nice guy, but I really seem to have the wrong tech skillset for Berlin. Maybe the fact that I can’t work out how there can possibly be any money in it shouldn’t stop me writing an Android app… Or give in and learn to do websites (on non-MS tech). I learn best with a real project … but there’s nothing I want to build for myself, this is always my issue with learning new tech. I have asked my geekoids and geekettes for suggestions, but I am getting a wee bit disheartened. Maybe it’s a sign that work is the wrong way to be thinking in terms of a move here – after all aren’t I trying to get away from all that? Changing my life? Hmmmm… There are a few good ideas come back from the crowd, so maybe I will sort something out when I get back.
In any case, I am unhappy, unsettled and glum. I feast on the remaining raisinbread, knowing damned well it’s bad for me. I haven’t got a plan for life. My last plans ran aground, washed ashore out of the dark of a North Sea night that took too much of my soul, on the probably-resultant loss of way, even whilst I got the Minions album together, held FSTH together by sheer willpower, tore down my life, dazed and confused, fucked things up, caused too much pain… kept only just above the water.
I never expected to need a plan. I never expected to live so long. I can feel the depths pull at me if I don’t keep myself distracted. So do, and I hope and I wait and I try.
Class is fine, just us girls again, though. We are into the final lesson. One week to go. I have learned a lot – but it seems still like too little. Listening comprehension is getting pretty good. I should read more. Should dig out that damned newspaper I bought yesterday too! I wish I could stay for the follow-on class – the school boss asked us today, but none of us can. We all want to, it’s a really good school – although the teacher seems a bit bemused by my mix of talents. Today we learn just enough for me to say that I have a sailing licence and a big blue motorbike, can sing, program computers and can design tools for fixing/building boats…
I did manage to buy cheese today. Also to eat soup. Also to eat chocolates. And crisps. Fuckit, it’s Friday, and I ain’t going out. My life is No Sex (right now), No Drugs (ever), Rock and Roll (hell yeah!).
I am hiding indoors, reading and writing this up/messaging with friends [every message so appreciated – keeps me just about sane]. Also listening back to the song idea, letting it percolate so I can do a really good coupla sessions on it over the weekend. I miss working with someone else, but I will manage/am managing. Just like I am managing being alone.