So, we have a beach. In the park across the road. Well all the Berlin lakes seem to! For some reason, today it is free. Usually a few € for the day… Got bars, changing rooms, showers and cute little huts… and of course old people braving the water. I had fully intended to make use of the lake for a bit of swimming this trip, but a drop to sub-20C plus wind and little sun made me less than keen. Dunno what’s happened to me, I swum every day in the Baltic, even in the deep, dark, cold Eckernforde…. Might be something to do with actually having the luxury of a shower to wash my hair in here, instead of 2 laps of the boat and the little pump-up shower [Portable car washer with demand showerhead – ace bit of kit].
Those thoughts cause pain. Part of me can’t believe I am not still out there. I’ll be sitting at my desk but not believing it, something in me more than half expecting to be approaching the lock at Kiel, puzzling out the lights of Den Helder, raking in Dutch fishing boat chandleries – greeting the dawn on the way to adventure… It *can’t* all be behind me. But it must be. For my sanity I have to let it be. I have to find new adventures now. Still, the disorientation sometimes makes me cry. Grief takes its own sweet time, and maybe longer for those of us architects of our own demise.
Back to present. To Here and Now. To being Present.
After my wander, I set about Sunday-proofing my next trip – cycled up to Lidl to get a couple of phone top up credits, Edeka to get some giant tins of soup, Mac Geis for a cooking pot – yes I can cook – the old fridge/hob thingy works fine – been using it… not least to help me with my continuing alcohol free beer sampling.
Oddly, I actually prefer the dirt-cheap Lidl one in the plastic bottle. A bargain at 39c … and something to drink that’s not coffee or herbal tea! [I bought a kettle first day this trip]. I got out my guitar and vaguely plunked on it. I also bought (in the interests of establishing acceptable local comfort foods) chocolate (59c) and own brand “gold bears” (89c) from Edeka and sulked on my mat reading and checking the internet for most of the afternoon, before putting the bicycle in the cellar, and packing up all except my D’vices and sleeping setup into my “sea chest” (lidded plastic crate from Obi) and sticking that out of the way in a corner of the bathroom (dead last on the renovation list).
I know I should have made something more of my day, gone a proper explore, gatecrashed “Hack and Tell” down at c-base and “partied” geek-style all night long in the 80s spaceship… but I’d fundamentally run out of steam, and boring, adult sense prevailed, reminding me just how shitty I feel doing the journey + a day at work + jam night with sleep deprivation.
So, settled to bed (and unexpectedly, actually to sleep) by 9:30pm. Ready for the usual 4:15am wakeup and flight back to the UK. Don’t want to leave. Have to – for now… back (if briefly) very soon…