When the light begins to change, I sometimes feel a little strange

Why is it that we can know exactly what needs to be done to move our dreams and projects forwards, yet still avoid taking those next steps? Even though we dearly wish to get to our goal, we delay and distract, procrastinate and put off. Have you found yourself doing this? I know that I have!

I read a great article today in German on just this topic (https://blog.holvi.com/de/3-angste-die-ein-erfolgreicher-grunder-uberwinden-muss)

If you can read German – then go do so, it’s great. I have decided to take that as inspiration and write my very own take on the same 3 fears here. The fears are the same, the content entirely different!

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It’s always daunting, as well as exciting, to do something for the first time, and this can develop into one or all of the following fears, fears which can hamper us from reaching the goals we hold so very dear:

1. Fear of the Unknown
2. Fear of Failure
3. Fear of Success

1. Fear of the Unknown
This is a natural fear in a natural world, and springs from our ancient roots. As any animal knows, what we don’t know might kill or hurt us. Eating that strange berry might poison us, taking that unexplored route might lead to us getting lost, or trapped, or eaten by predators we’ve never before encountered. Much better to stay with the familiar, right? It’s an emotional fear, but can still feel like a very real one, even in the modern age. Even though we are not likely to get injured trying to write that book, make that album, develop the next killer app or asking the boss for a raise (no matter what you might think about your editor, your drummer, your computer or your boss!).

If you think about it, though, it’s not logical. I have often been known to face this one down with “oh, come on, nobody is going to get hurt or killed …”

2. Fear of Failure
Ok, so everyone knows this one, right? If you don’t succeed in achieving your goals, you and everyone else will think you are a big fat failure, stupid, useless and will never amount to anything. But failure is not something we ARE. It is just that this particular attempt did not work out. Our actions did not lead to where we wanted to go at this particular time. Maybe we just didn’t know enough yet, maybe we just had not practiced enough yet. Both of those are quite likely with something new in fact, aren’t they? And we are all capable of getting right back up and learning more, and succeeding the next time (or the time after that). Can you think of times that you have persisted in learning a new skill and finally got somewhere? I bet you can. It is also OK to decide that this particular goal is maybe not for us and we can better spend our energies somewhere else.

Every part of this process is helping us learn and grow – and it is a damn sight more interesting than not doing anything new ever!

3. Fear of Success
Ah yes, this one is for real. I personally rate this one as the biggie, the sneaky one that can slip under our radar and cause us to self-sabotage almost without realising it. Will more success just make for more work? Will we know enough to cope with the new challenges? With fame? With bigger budgets? With that world tour? With more and more trips out of our comfort zone? Will our friends abandon us? Can I just hide under my pillow now please?

But change is life, and isn’t it more fun to do new things and risk success? Where have you succeeded before? How did that change your life and was it for the better? Did you cope? Very probably yes, right? (and if not see above under “failure”!). Surely success deserves a chance!

Right, now, let’s see if I can remember all of this as I forge ahead in my new ventures!

Action Stations!

 

Well, the world of Kirsty rarely stands still for long, and it’s been a very very busy month. Has it been a month already? Maybe not quite… But in any case, there’s been A LOT going on. From decisive progress on lingering financial affairs (where the love has very much gone) to the start of new ventures, investment in myself, and finding support and help along the way.

I’m aimed again at the boat life, at a life where work is by choice, not necessity, at being able to slow down and enjoy.

As part of that, I’ve joined Anne Perry’s Else Society, full of supportive, like-minded souls, all seeking their own unique “Else”. Who have all looked at their lives and thought “this can’t be it, there must be something else”. Else Society provides a framework that we can use to plan and execute our next 3 years, and lots of learning materials to help inspire, educate and empower us to take the necessary actions to make our escape from the stress-struggle-overwork “Hamster Wheel”.

I’ll be doing a proper write up at the end of the month, but at the moment I can say it’s promoted LOTS of action! And also that it meshes well with “Miracle Morning” – but that the writing part of that has been detrimental to me keeping up with writing entries here. That will change!

 

 

They just make you worse

Yet another night with about 5 hours sleep, me signing myself up to be more busy (short course in social media management – useful for every venture, even if only to establish whether or not I get someone else to do it in future!). All weekend plans have changed. I was supposed to have 2 gigs this week, down in Sachsen. One got cancelled by the Ordnungsamt, the other a victim of regional holiday time – it has been postponed until October. I have therefore volunteered to help Friday tonight at the boat club…

My boyfriend’s mother broke her ankle in the night, so he has to go out there to look after her (huge) dog. And *her* 90+ mother is very ill in a care home, taken very much a turn for the worse this week.

Despite what the care home people seem to think, the old grandmother does still understand and know what’s going on – it’s just she is so weak that it takes an enormous effort to get any words out, and often that fails, leaving just noises… She was apparently a “difficult” person all her life, and the family suspect she’s been recently over-medicated in an attempt to make her easier to handle – a thing which is shockingly common. Or perhaps it’s no longer shocking, which is even grimmer. Got me thinking, maybe all the “drugs” that society lays on for us are to make us easier to handle – TV to numb our minds, consumerism to numb our souls, work to give us no time to think, alcohol to let us sleep, coffee to get us awake again, ready for another day as a busy worker/consumer, dutifully making the hyper-rich even richer…

On that note – today I have had the strongest urge for a real coffee that I have had since Xmas. But I didn’t! Got my assigned 2 tasks done for the week, wrote to the users, like I was asked to, to them it was all on the test website, and my boss knows what I’ve done and that I’ve already done a bit of next weeks work. She’s on holiday next week, dunno if that will make it quieter or busier!

Also been investigating RoboAdvisors… (Investment).

Still no Else Buddy – but I did sign up for Daliah’s Social Media Manager course (just to see if I like it), watched more of Lydia Lee’s video, and made a list of possible ways I could earn / ideas of what I could create (some location-independent, some not). I’ve got my Else folder and tablet packed for a weekend at the boat (when I’m not sailing or helping out with the dinghy regatta!). Tired to death from lack of sleep this week, but maybe I’ll sleep better on board!

Heavy Load

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Back the gym today for the first time in 2 weeks. Normally if I have time off, my deadlift is unaffected, or I can even lift more – not this time. Oh well. I’m not thrilled to be back in hamster-wheel land (German classes, work), but just going to do the best job I can of it and be patient. Oh, my international sailing licence came in the post, so I’m all square if I meet the police again. Also, I got my flight refund and the bank details to pay for the damage to the other boat, which I’ll do today.

I felt close to tears again in the last phase of my workout, thoughts in the usual circle of feeling trapped by my own (past) choices and not being able to see how I can live the life I want, whilst providing value.

But I was full of energy with my new 90 day Roadmap challenge from Else Society – the only thing now is finding an accountability Buddy – we are all supposed to do this, but I have asked a few times, as have others, and very few seem to have actually managed to pair up – which I find a shame. I might have to be my own Buddy, or, since my BF wants to change his life (though he is not in any group/scheme), we can be each others. I just need the feeling that someone knows what I am doing to overhaul my life and cares – and to be that help and support for someone else. Don’t we all? I suspect I need a full-on Life Coach, I can’t expect the level of involvement and support across my whole life from anyone else. But that is quite a research task to find the right one…

Frantic Friday

So, today I dodged a scam bullet (what was I thinking? But did due diligence and came up sane, thankfully), spoke to some experts, who didn’t have to give me their time for free, but did, great conversation. As a result of that I got into action keeping my company open (it’s owed some money) and filing the proper paperwork, I’ve set up an address service for the company (why the hell I didn’t I do that last year?) and filled in the form to change the company address, so that I can then file the missing paperwork. The authorities were polite, prompt, and gave me 28 days to sort it (which they didn’t have to). A lot, for a company I plan to shut down as soon as I get back the money owed.

I’ve decided to get the refund on my cancelled flights, and confirmed that by email. Sad to not meet with my friends in Nashville, but maybe I can make a longer trip next year.

I also had the estimate for the repair of the other boat that I collided with last month – comes to about 2/3 of that flight refund. Guess I was right to take the refund!

I am at the stage where I have about 10k cash “burning a hole in my pocket” (even besides the stash set aside for lawyers!) so I am vaugely feeling around for 5 year-type investments. What I would like to do is the German version of Funding Circle, but without an auto portfolio manager (like the UK version has) it feels like too much work – manually setting up and managing 100+ small loans including reinvestment of repaid capital + interest). I am reluctant to increase my P2P lending as that would be too much in one basket and too tied to the economies of a few countries. I am not sure what else is on my radar … Not quite got enough to go for property (yet). Could do a “german small / med businesses fund” with the bank that looks like it has a solid track record… or a fund of the biggies… maybe a mix (REALLY shame I didn’t do that last year!!). I’m after a good mix of boring and decent profit. A property based fund was extremely dull in terms of performance low return (half of FC) – but totally linear over time. Super reliable.

Money eh? A nice problem to have, I used to say…not so sure now – but it is very useful – especially when used to buy training/expand knowledge…

Been browsing property in Spain (not yet found a good website with good places) and also summerhouses in Germany. One in Germany that attracts me seems to be in nature, no power, water only from the river :-). In the South East… Dirt cheap, but I’d need a vehicle to get there…. (Can hire, or get motorbike fixed or a new one).

I also phoned to confirm that my updated sailing licence is in the post, and phoned my mother to get my new telephone banking passcode. I got my 2 days holiday, so I’m off work (been going really well) till Wednesday! Whoo hoo!

A super busy day, but methodically sorting lots of my “problems”, and everything is rolling with me, the other people are all ( even the least likely), on my side, and I’m buzzing with possibilities. Thank you! Thank you!